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  • 內容詳情

    如此翠綠

    時間:2019-07-01 19:59:10  作者:  來源  查看:0
    如此翠綠

    前不久,我到墨寶園游玩。天氣十分炎熱,我就東拐西拐地來到了一處綠蔭,這里真是風景怡人!【評:介紹來墨寶園的時間和總的感受。】
    這里在“名人手印墻”附近,那里有“湖”,還有兩艘小船。遙想去年夏天,我還與郭宸祎, 在這里開船“度蜜月”呢!【評:睹物思人,回憶往事。】
    上有藍天,下有碧水。水中映著無窮無盡的樹,郁郁蒼蒼的沒盡頭。我最愛打破這寧靜,用手去撩水。我還蹲下來,去聽那流水的聲,聽水中青蛙的鳴聲,蛙鳴同鈴鐺一般清脆而好聽。可惜,那水中無魚,難道說是“水至清則無魚”嗎?【評:聽水聲,聽蛙鳴,好浪漫啊!】
    抬起頭,便可見自己被樹包圍著,那樹可謂堅忍(韌)不拔,亭亭玉立,約有兩三人之高,卻細得很,只夠兩只手指尖觸在一起那么粗,一看就沒有個十幾年。但它長得是那樣青翠,那樣有型。樹干樹冠調(條)理分明,絲毫看不出裁剪的印記,給人一種渺小的感覺。【評:描寫樹的高、粗、色,條理清晰,文筆細膩。】
    再往上看,便是一望無際的天空。我不但愛看云朵,我還愛看飛鳥的痕跡,看成群的鳥兒飛來飛去,我喜歡看它們。【評:仰望天空,欣賞白云、飛鳥。】
    當年,我與郭宸祎“度蜜月”時,我們租了一艘小船,那船無漿,是靠腳蹬行駛的。我和郭宸祎賣力地蹬啊蹬,轉了一圈又一圈。那河中有條“羊腸小道”,我和她還在那里船被卡住呢,幸好租船的老爺爺有條長棒子,給我倆勾了出來。【回憶和閨蜜在此游玩的趣事。】
    我還在那里拍了照,別提多高興了!【評:直抒高興的心情。】
    除此之外,我還去了“外環”,去看了十二生肖(石像)。它們個個生龍活虎,生氣勃勃。說實話,我真的沒見過那么那么大的老鼠,那么相親相愛的猴子,那么威武的老虎,那么英姿的駿馬,那么可怕的毒蛇,那么呆萌的小狗,那么肥壯的小豬,但是……誰能出來解釋一下,為什么沒有兔子呢?我真百思不得其解。【評:排比句寫出了生肖石像的特點。】
    墨寶的草也堅勁(韌)有力,挺起胸膛,直直的,還有些刺手,我最愛把它拍照記下來!【評:這里的草堅韌有力。】
    啊,墨寶!你多迷人啊!那水,那樹,那草,那景,真是可愛!石碑、古詩,什么的今兒也沒一一說,還是那句話:下次吧!你可真可愛,墨寶園!
    評語
    文章的語言生動、活潑,是篇文質優美的習作。這里多美啊!“上有藍天,下有碧水”。“ 蹲下來,去聽那流水聲音,聽水中青蛙的鳴聲,蛙鳴同鈴鐺一般清脆而好聽”;抬頭平視,“那樹可謂堅忍不拔,亭亭玉立,約有兩三人之高,卻細得很,只夠兩只手指尖觸在一起那么粗,一看就沒有個十幾年。但它長得是那樣青翠,那樣有型”;仰頭望去,“便是一望無際的天空”,有云朵,還有“成群的鳥兒飛來飛去”。小作者從不同的視角去觀察墨寶園,用細膩的筆觸、散文詩般的語言,為我們描繪出了一個別具特色的公園景色,同時還回憶去年和好友在此游玩的情景,這給文章更增添了趣味性。文中先后描寫了公園里的水、樹、草以及十二生肖像石像,脈絡分明,條理清晰。
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