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    美麗的夏天

    時間:2019-07-01 19:45:11  作者:  來源  查看:0
    美麗的夏天


    夏天是炎熱的,在很多人的眼中,夏天是最糟糕的季節。但是在我眼里,它就像一位風度翩翩的女子,灼熱的陽光是她燦爛的笑容,(茂密的)草木是她的長頭發,(碧綠的)葉子是她的群(裙)子,忽來忽去的驟雨是她的脾氣。【評:擬人句,形象生動。】
    夏天是一個悠閑的季節。暑假里,我們可以無拘無束地盡情地玩耍。與小伙伴們踢球、游泳、打球……累了渴了,就買上一根冰棍或(一只)冰淇淋(,吃著透心涼的冰點,那愜意極了)。【評:加上最后一句才能體現出“悠閑”二字。】
    夏天又是一個愉快的季節,女生都穿上了連衣裙或是短裙,露出了雪白的肌膚, 顯出了自己苗條的身材;男生都穿上帥氣起的西褲和短袖,一身輕松(,十分瀟灑)。【評:從男女的著裝來寫夏天的愉快。】
    夏天也是神秘的,因為夏天的天氣讓人猜不透。上一秒還晴空萬里,而下一秒卻烏云密布,綠豆般大的雨點突然飄落下來,讓人措手不及。【評:神秘在于天氣變化莫測。】
    夏天的公園是熱鬧的。公園不止是人類的鍛煉的場所,還是昆蟲休息的棲息地。人們(在這里,)有的踢足球,有的跳繩,有的跑步……路邊草坪里有螞蚱,樹葉上有七星瓢蟲,杏樹上有令人毛骨悚然的動物,我們東北人都管它叫做“洋拉子”。被它“拉”過的人都會嚎啕大哭。還有昆蟲界的殺手——螳螂,它們以手上的“鐮刀”而出名。它們最有趣的是交配的時候,交配后母螳螂會把公螳螂吃掉。據我所知,如果螳螂不把公螳螂吃掉的話,就沒有營養,沒有了營養,就繁衍不了后代了,(為了后繼有人,)還會把自己的性命搭上。【評:聯想豐富,內容充實。】
    夏天的雨是讓我心動的。雖然打雷時響聲震耳欲聾,讓人心驚膽戰,但“陽光總在風雨后”,天空放晴后,變得十分美麗,還有一座彩虹橋,不知橋的盡頭是什么。【評:陽光總在風雨后,此句用在這里恰到好處。】
    夏天的夜空也是迷人的。如果坐在一棵大樹下乘涼,轉(仰)頭遙望天空的繁星,是多么的美妙啊!星星一眨一眨的,像(一雙)雙數不清的閃亮的大眼睛。【評:繁星點點,美妙而迷人。】
    走過了春的多彩,迎來了夏的蓬勃,是這般的繽紛絢麗,燦爛熱烈!這夏天真美麗啊!(它)承接著春的生機,蘊含著秋的成熟,激蕩著冬的精神。
    評語
    文章開頭采用擬人的寫法,將夏天比做年輕的女士,草木是她的秀發,綠葉是她的衣裙,驟雨是她的脾氣。外貌的描寫展現出了夏天的性格特點:充滿活力而性情暴躁。接下去從愉快、神秘、熱鬧、美麗、迷人等五個方面來描寫夏天。每段都有一句概括全段意思的總起句,然后選用具體事例對這一總起句加以說明。段落分明,內容集中,中心突出。結尾用抒情的語言來贊美夏天:“它承接著春的生機,蘊含著秋的成熟,激蕩著冬的精神”,把情感推向高潮。
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