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    我心中的英雄

    時間:2019-07-02 20:31:43  作者:  來源  查看:0
    我心中的英雄
     張恩慈
    今天,當我讀完《我的戰友邱少云》這篇故事的時候,我的眼里便閃爍著淚花,我不得(能)不崇拜他這種(烈火燒身而紋絲不動的)頑強意志。【評:讀后總體的感受。】
    邱少云是志愿軍戰士。他為了拔掉敵人(楔入我軍陣地)的那顆“毒牙”,也就是消滅(“391”高地上)敵人,那天天還沒有亮,(邱少云)他們(連)就潛伏在敵人的陣地前,(等待天黑發起突然襲擊。)每個人隱蔽得都那么好,(戰友們離得很近,但相互幾乎看不到。我軍的炮火)他們一直在壓著敵人打,敵人陣地前沿的地堡一個接著一個被掀翻,【評:介紹潛伏的目的,為后文的發展做好了鋪墊。】
    到了中午,敵人突然打起炮來,炮彈一排又一排,過了一段時間(敵人放了燃燒彈)。突然,(戰友們)聞到一股濃重的棉布焦味,一看火燒到了邱少云的身上。他一翻身,就把火撲滅,別人都是這么想的,可是他并沒有那樣做,而是紋絲不動的(地)趴在地上。為了整個潛伏部隊,為了戰斗的勝利,邱少云像千斤巨石一般,趴在火堆里,半個小時過去了,依然沒有挪動一寸地方。【評:描述邱少云犧牲的經過。】
    黃昏的時候,漫山遍野響起了激動人心的口號:“為邱少云同志報仇!”他們(志愿軍戰士)懷著滿腔怒火,勇猛地沖上“391”高地,敵人全部被殲滅。【評:在邱少云的精神鼓舞下,戰士們很快沖上了高地,消滅了敵人。】
    如果邱少云在那時突然跳起來,或者突然叫起來,說不定火還會滅,但是為了整個戰斗的勝利,他寧愿犧牲自己,(他把生命)奉獻給整個部隊。【評:邱少云犧牲的意義。】
    被火燒身,而且還燒了半個小時不能動,這是一個什么樣的概念啊?我們被水不小心燙了一點點,還感覺是非常痛,那么邱少云被火燒,豈不是更難受嗎?但是他卻忍住了。【評:用切身感受,來體會邱少云烈火燒身時的痛苦。】
    我們應該學習邱少云這種犧牲自己,奉獻別人的精神。至少在現實生活中,去幫助別人。看到有困難的同學,要學會幫助;看到家務活,要學會打掃;自己有困難的時候,要學會克服。但人往往都會很自私,有吃的自己吃,有玩的自己玩,這樣的人是不會有好下場的。【評:在現實生活中,“我”如何向邱少云學習。】
    我們現在的幸福生活,都是當年英雄用生命和鮮血換來的,所以讓我們(要倍加珍惜,)現在好好學習,不辜負當年為我們犧牲的英雄。
    評語
    文章首尾呼應,結構嚴謹。敘述故事,做到了有選擇,有重點,不是面面俱到;寫感受,能結合自己的切身經歷,去體會邱少云在烈火燒身時能做到紋絲不動得忍受多大的痛苦,需要多堅強的意志,置身處地去思考。這樣寫感受,既真實,又有說服力。怎樣向英雄學習,小作者也談了自己的想法,這些想法符合小學生的年齡特點,是切實可行的,不是說空話,不是說大話。
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