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    我心中的英雄

    時間:2019-07-02 20:29:48  作者:  來源  查看:0
    我心中的英雄
     田鴿
    每個人心中都有一個偉大而神圣的英雄,有的人崇敬登上天空領略美麗又浩瀚宇宙的宇航員,有人崇敬辛勤于三尺講臺又甘為奉獻的老師,有人崇敬(妙手回春、)救死扶傷的醫生,而我也有一個崇敬的英雄,他是家喻戶曉、眾人皆知的英雄——雷鋒。【評:采用排比句,通過對比,更能凸顯所寫人物。】
    我第一次認識他是在課外書里,隨著老師激情澎湃的講解,雷鋒這(一)高大的人物(的高大形象)就在我的心里勾勒了出來……【評:過渡段承上啟下,使得上下段連貫順暢。】
    一次,雷鋒在去看病的路上,經過一個建筑工地,(看到)工人們正在運磚。工人們已經累得滿頭大汗,(汗水像斷了線的珠子向下掉,)每走一步都要費很大的力氣。汗水像斷了線的珠子向下掉,本想去看病的雷鋒卻停下了腳步,做好事的熱血又(沸騰)蔓延在雷鋒的心中。他脫下軍裝,穿著襯衣,飛一般地跑向工地,推起磚車,熱火朝天的(地)干了起來。這是多么頑強的毅力啊!自身還帶著病,又不忘了做好事,(這)讓我佩服得五體投體。【評:主動幫助到建筑工地幫助工人運磚。邊敘邊議,好!】
    其他工人們(向他投來敬佩的目光,有的還號召大家)心想:“這個年輕人可真能干啊!他邊跑邊搬磚,快,我們跟他跑!”這樣一來,工人們在他(雷鋒)的帶領下都干勁十足,似乎打了一支強心劑,瞬間又充滿了力量,眼神里充滿了光芒,工地上出現了你追我趕的勞動場面。不一會兒,山一樣的磚垛就運完了。【評:雷鋒起到了帶頭作用。】
    雷鋒累得滿頭大汗,氣喘吁吁。咦!病也因為劇烈的運動好了。工地的工人們紛紛向雷鋒道謝。一名工人詢問雷鋒的名字,可雷鋒卻遲遲不肯說。這時,那名工人眼前一亮。神秘地說:“你不肯說,我們也知道你的姓名啦!”遺憾的是,雷鋒來的時候穿錯了軍裝,他把戰友的軍裝穿上了。而工人看到(軍裝里面寫)的(名字,)是他戰友軍裝上的名字,而不是雷鋒的呀!這可真“好事不留名”,留的名卻是別人的。這時,我被雷鋒這種默默無聞的精神所打動了。【評:做好事不留名,默默奉獻。】
    第二天,被雷鋒幫助過的工人們敲鑼打鼓,(來到了雷鋒所在的營房,)把錦旗送給了雷鋒的戰友。雷鋒的戰友一臉懵,驚訝地問雷鋒:“我沒做過這件事啊,你快說清楚!”雷鋒只好把事實(的真相)交代清楚。【評:做好事不留名而鬧出了笑話。】
    我讀完了這篇文章,深受感動,雷鋒帶著病也去做好事,(一直)堅持保持做好事不留名的原則。這(默默奉獻,不圖名利的行為)是一般人做不到的。雖然他只活到22歲,但他做過的英雄事跡卻讓人們(永遠)銘記。【評:贊美評價雷鋒不圖名利、默默奉獻的精神。】
    向雷鋒同志學習,(就要一輩子都做好事,不做壞事。)做好事并不難,難的是經常去做好事,(一生都做好事。)做一件好事,可能是一個微不足道的小動作,每個人都可以做到,可是我們能天天去做嗎?(但雷鋒做到了。)【評:一輩子做好事,很難,但雷鋒做到了。】
    雷鋒是我心中的英雄,是我崇拜的偶像。我是新時代的少年(兒童),是優秀少先隊員,更應該繼承發揚雷鋒助人為樂的優秀品質。老師常常教育我們:“做好事要從小事做起,要從身邊的一點一滴做起。”螺絲釘雖小,只要不生銹,照樣可以放射出耀眼的光芒。雷鋒的精神將鼓勵我去幫助別人(從中快樂自己)。【評:講述“我”如何向雷鋒學習。】
    我心目中的英雄,就是一位樂于助人的榜樣——雷鋒。
    評語
    這篇文章,小作者在講述雷鋒故事的同時,還寫了自己感想和體會,邊敘邊議,敘議結合,這樣不但把雷鋒的感人故事講述出來,還在一些情節只處做了精彩的點評。感想部分寫得也很切合實際,是有感而發,因而恰到好處。小作者論述了一個人做件好事并不難,難得是一輩子做好事的道理,贊美了雷鋒默默奉獻、助人為樂的高尚品格。文章的“感點”選得準,選得好,有話可說,并且說到了點子上。
    上一篇:沒有了 下一篇:我心中的英雄
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