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    大自然的聲音

    時間:2019-07-01 19:53:40  作者:  來源  查看:0
    大自然的聲音


    小朋友,看了題目,你一定會問:“大自然有聲音嗎?”那我就要怪你的腦子不靈活,觀察太不仔細。其實,大自然什么聲音都可以創造出來。【評:設問句開頭,引人入勝。】
    你們大家聽,天還沒有亮,大公雞就“喔喔”“喔喔”地叫起來,好像在說:“同學們,快起床了,先去鍛煉身體(,再去上學),可不能遲到啊,要不然,你們老師就會批評你們的。”你們大家說說,大公雞的啼叫不就是小鬧鐘嗎!【評:天沒亮,公雞的啼鳴聲,聯想豐富。】
    我剛一醒,就聽見了鍋碗瓢盆的響聲,這是(媽媽)在廚房的媽媽在做飯呢。媽媽每天都早早起床,為我和爸爸做出可口的早餐,媽媽好辛苦呀!【評:醒來時,聽到媽媽做飯的聲音。】
    你們聽,“咚咚”一陣輕輕的敲門聲響起。我把門打開,姥爺滿面紅光地出現在門口,(他)從外面散步回來了。【評:姥爺晨練回來時的開門聲。】
    吃過早餐,背上書包,哼著小曲,我向學校走去,“啾啾!”“啾啾!”我抬頭一望,樹上的小鳥一邊蹦跳著一邊叫著,它們好像在跟我說:“小朋友,早上好!讀書可要用功,少壯不努力,老大徒傷悲。”聽了鳥的叫聲,我不由自主地加快了腳步,(想)快點去學校學習。【評:上學路上,樹上的鳥叫聲。】
    “轟隆隆……”從一處工地傳出來一陣機器的響聲,工人們正熱火朝地建大樓。看,大吊車把小山似的磚垛吊到了樓上。我想:用不多長時間,這里想(就)會出現一座漂亮(的)地大樓。就會有(很)多少人搬進了新家。【評:工地上機器的轟鳴聲。】
    “賣香瓜了!”一輪小三輪車駛來,車里滿滿地(的)香瓜,滿街都飄著香味。我不由自主地停下了腳步,瞧了瞧,那一個個香瓜新鮮誘人,香氣撲鼻。如果(是)放學(回家),我一定買上兩個,大飽口福,解解饞。【評:瓜農的叫賣聲。】
    一陣瑯瑯的讀書聲傳來,哦,我已經到學校了。同學們正在晨讀:“少小離家老大回,鄉音無改鬢毛衰。兒童相見不相識,笑問客從何處來”在校園上空回蕩。
    評語
    全文圍繞“大自然什么聲音都可以創造出來”這一中心句,從在家里、上學路上、來到學校三個地方依次描述了所聽到的聲音。每寫一種聲音時,小作者還描繪了當時的情景,并適當地寫了“我”的聯想或感受,這樣文章的內容就具體生動了。如:“‘轟隆隆……’從一處工地傳出來一陣機器的響聲,工人們正熱火朝地建大樓。看,大吊車把小山似的磚垛吊到了樓上。我想:用不多長時間,這里就會出現一座漂亮的大樓。就會有很多人搬進了新家。”這段話的第一句寫聽到的聲音,第二句寫看到的場面,第三句寫心里的想法。聽、看、想結合在一起,寫出來的內容當然細致充實、生動形象了。
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